STANDING UP FOR YOUR TRUTH WHILE ALLOWING OTHERS TO OWN THEIR OWN NEGATIVITY
by Saundra Berry, C.Ht.
Sometimes no matter what you do, it’s not good enough for some people. With all of our best intentions there are some people that are caught in some strange paradigm and they try desperately to pull others into their world of lack, dishonesty, and negativity. So, how do we deal with these people and come out with some sort of sanity and dignity?
When we want to help others that are reaching out we allow ourselves to become vulnerable and we extend a helping hand only to find that those we are reaching out to help are really not in need of the kind of help that we can give them. Unfortunately we don’t even see it coming. We do what we can to help and even go out of our way to help only to be attacked with accusation and condescension. We soon come to realize that nothing we could do would be good enough. It seems that the person that we’ve reached out to help is in need of a reality check and perhaps some personal therapy.
Often we end up feeling that we’ve made a huge mistake extending the helping hand. We might even beat ourselves up and think that we’ve done something wrong. Maybe we have committed to a task and because of our conscientious nature and desire to help, we feel stuck in a very unpleasant situation and grow tired of the abuse, yet we cannot step out until we’ve completed our task. We might feel there is no need in upsetting the apple cart, so we say nothing and continue being abused not to sully our good name or that we've committed to something and we are going to see it through come hell or high water.
If we are in a situation that we have got to see through to the end, we have to be brave enough to stand up to the injustice and lovingly share our frustration and our truth with the person. Communication is key. On the other hand, what if we do speak our truth and we continue to be abused by the other person? Do we walk away or do we finish the task? Such difficult questions but many of you have been faced with the same scenario, as have I.
Some would look at the situation and decide if they absolutely had to stick to the task and if not, walk away, sending them love and no harm, but walk away and choose not to help that person in the future.
My best advice, is do what you can to see it through and then take a deep breath and say over and over, “I allow others to own their own negativity”. Once you are on the other side of the situation, ask yourself, if you did the best you could, if your answer is no, then take a deep look at your part in the situation and make any amends that need to be made, then forgive yourself and move on, taking with you what you’ve learned and do not repeat any bad behavior on your part. If you have done all that you can—then it is time to revisit the relationship. Maybe what you thought was a friendship, is not. Maybe what you thought was a good business relationship, is not. Whatever the case may be, you have to be willing to walk away without regret.
Perhaps this sounds harsh to some, because we might be of the belief that everyone is worth helping or saving and I’m not saying they aren’t. However, some people cannot be helped or saved by others, but only by them helping themselves. In other words, they are outside of the realm of our help and we must be willing to move on and chalk it up as a lesson learned.
I have learned that what we were told as youngsters, still applies now, “Not everybody is going to like you”, or “Not everyone can handle the truth” or “You can’t please everyone”. It’s true isn’t it? I’ve also learned that with some, even when you speak your truth the other person is totally oblivious to their own behavior but have no problem pointing out the bad behavior in others. It can be quite a dilemma but it can be a life lesson that will stick with us forever, which isn’t a bad thing. Any lessons that we can learn in life is wisdom, wisdom that will assist us and those we love and care about in the future. You might find that with the knowledge of this bad situation you are better equipped to help someone else, someone that is really in need of your kind of help. I know it can be character building too and you can come out on the other side a better person for it.
If you are or have ever been faced with the difficult choice of whether to speak your truth or walk away, or both, I know that it can be one of the most difficult things to face. It is so hard to realize that someone was not the person we thought they were—or that we were unable to see it before we got sucked in. We cannot beat ourselves up; we’ve been faced with this situation because we needed to go through it, we needed to learn a life lesson. We have to remain true to our own morals and values, not for the sake of being "right" but for our own sanity and dignity. We have to know we are being blessed always--even it feels like a curse. We must know that no matter what other people are doing or saying, we have to be able to look ourselves in the mirror with a clear conscience, even if it means losing what we thought was a friend. We all have infinite wisdom within us and it is in times like these that we must trust our inner wisdom. No one else can tell us what to do because we must do what feels right to us. If you are faced with a difficult person or situation and you need a little help, here are some affirmations that might help:
I allow others to own their own negativity.
I am meant to do great things.
I will not allow others to stop me from doing the good that I am meant to do.
I let go of resentments that do not serve my highest good.
I see all of the people in my life as teachers.
I walk through my fears by taking action toward achieving my goals.
I have the ability to say no, I am safe.
I acknowledge that my past relationships have made me into who I am today.
I will be responsible for taking care of myself in every way.
I use humor when dealing with challenging people and situations.
I am safe, I am wise, I am loved.
I have healthy boundaries.
I honor the wisdom of my intuition to lead and guide me.
I acknowledge that standing in my truth honors my higher self.
I know that any difficult situation can be a challenge but I also know that we are meant to learn while we are here on this Earth. So, embrace the lessons, and know that you are being supported on this journey we call life. You ARE here to do great things and never allow anyone to take that away from you.
Sending you love, light, courage, and strength!
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