Healthy Boundaries - Part II
Healthy Boundaries - Part II
by Saundra Berry, C.Ht.
“You change for two reasons: Either you learn enough that you want to, or you’ve been hurt enough that you have to.” ~Author Unknown
In part I of Healthy Boundaries, I focused on how you begin to find out where you stand on your self-worth. I asked you to answer some hard questions about what your own personal beliefs are without the influence of others, just you. What makes you tick? Now I would like to explore setting healthy boundaries with family and friends.
How do we set healthy boundaries in a family or with friends that have questionable boundaries or no boundaries at all? There will be times, as we step up and stand firm in our beliefs that we are met with opposition. It is in these times that our resolve is tested and that we are faced with an opportunity to share our “unique” gifts. We have the opportunity to “teach” others what is important to us and how we want to be treated.
If you are just learning how to set healthy boundaries, this might be a time that you begin to wane—for fear that rocking the boat will throw you off of your course. You might even decide that it just isn’t worth it to speak up because they will never understand. You might realize that no matter what your belief, you feel that theirs is stronger and that you will not be successful. It is in this moment, that you must ask yourself a difficult question. Do I deserve the best that life has to offer? If so, then it is in this moment that you might realize that you have to distance yourself from these people, even those you love, in order to maintain a healthy balance and have healthy boundaries in your own life. There are times that we have to be willing to let go, in order to find who we really are. I want to make a strong point here, having healthy boundaries is not about changing others; it is about honoring yourself. It is truly about what you are willing to tolerate and what you are not, when it comes to the behavior of others, while in your presence.
I remember a personal experience, I was with my boyfriend at Disneyland with my niece in a stroller, and my father and his wife, they were visiting from out of town. We were standing at Sleeping Beauty’s castle when they made some racially derogatory remarks, loudly! I was stunned. I looked at my boyfriend and we grabbed the stroller and promptly moved away from them. We were both mortified! When they eventually caught up with us, I turned to them and said, “You can talk however you like in the privacy of your own home, but, when you are around me and my family and friends, YOU CANNOT SPEAK THAT WAY, IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE! I don’t want to hear any jokes, comments, or stories like that ever again!” It was in that moment that a feeling washed over me—as if the Universe was saying, “You got it girl! Make that stand!” It was a defining moment in my life. I was unable to speak my mind when I was growing up and I believe that it was at that moment, in the “happiest place on earth” that I became a woman, not a girl, but a woman! I made a stand for something I strongly believed in with my parent. It was a freeing moment in my life that I will never forget.
So, for those of you that have feared standing up for your beliefs with your parents, friends, and loved ones, I ask you, If you don’t stand up for your beliefs, who will? Once you are an adult, it isn’t up to your parents, your spouse, or anyone else; it is about YOU and your healthy boundaries! Always remember, no matter who you are dealing with, ALWAYS LISTEN AND SPEAK FROM THE HEART. We don’t have to be rude or harsh to have healthy boundaries; we just need to stand up for our beliefs in a kind and loving way. If after all that we have covered here, you still feel fearful; meditate and ground yourself before you join in a get-together with family and friends. http://www.path2change.com/#!Grounding-Guided-Imagery/c1niq/979C1636-B62A-44E8-B0EA-AA3295C289C2 This will help you get into a good head space and you can go forward knowing that you have great respect for others and that you want and deserve nothing less for yourself. Even though it might be hard, you have to think of what is healthy for you—I say, “We can love them just the same, we just have to love them from a distance.” This can mean anything from skipping the gathering altogether or shortening your stay to speaking your truth in a kind and loving way. Whatever works best for you.
In closing, to set a healthy boundary is truly about standing in your truth and accepting nothing less. Be willing to do the work to find out who you really are and what it is that you believe in and then be willing to stand in that truth, no matter what others are doing or saying. You will begin to notice that the more healthy boundaries that you set and abide by in your life, the more people that you will have in your life that are doing the same. As you become strong in your convictions and standing in your truth, you will notice that the quality of your life will improve, as will the people and your relationships. The more you practice setting healthy boundaries, the healthier you become in every aspect of your life.
I support you on your journey to become a more rounded individual and as always, I am available for Hypnotherapy or Life Coaching, if you need a little push.
Many Bright Blessings,
Saundra Berry, C.Ht.
©2013 Saundra Berry, C.Ht. All rights reserved. Please do not copy, use or distribute this information in part but in its entirety only, including the source http://www.path2change.com. Thank you!